The jokes thread.... Don't be afraid to muck it up!

  • So Mr Steppenwolf, I take it that’s not your real name?
  • No.
  • What is?
  • I was born Tubby Wilde.
  • Ah …


I don’t like those Russian dolls…

They’re full of themselves.


What’s the only praise you won’t here after someone finishes up at Slimming World? “Its been great, I feel I’ve really grown as a person”


I was at a funeral today for a mate who got killed by a tennis ball, it was a great service


At a Russian meeting.
TRUMP: OK, so shall we start. Is everybody here?
ALL: Mr Trump. Nobody’s here.


I went to the doctors with hearing problems.

He said “Can u describe the symptoms?”

I said “Homers a fat bloke and Marge has blue hair”


For Beeko …


Ewan MacKenna…

Thank you very much



I’ve just opened my new undertaker business, where we use glass coffins to view the deceased.

Will it be a success?

Remains to be seen.


How did the farmer find his wife?

He tractor down



I got my friend an elephant for his room.
He said “thanks”.
I said “don’t mention it”.


I went to a Karaoke Night where 70’s music wasn’t allowed.
At first I was afraid, I was petrified.


That new Cindy Crawford work-out video is amazing. I’ve only had mine for a week and already I’ve got a right arm like Arnold Schwarzenneger." Viz circa 1990


Speaking of Viz


Is anyone else old enough to remember Bronco toilet paper? That’s what we had growing up in pre tissue paper days. It was like a mild grade of sandpaper and you were rationed to three sheets!


Jaysus sounds like the stuff they have in work at the minute!


The first rule of Alzheimers Club is:
You do not talk about chess club.


Alzheimer’s club : new friends every 10 minutes


I hate being bipolar, it’s great