Cats are cùnts. The culchies of the animal world.
Guy at a job interview…
Interviewer: So what’s your strongest asset?
Guy: I have a strong belief in my own opinion
Interviewer: Well, I think that’s a great asset
Guy: I couldn’t really give a bollix what you think…
But they don’t try to tear dogs to pieces. Nor do they stink. And nor are they utterly stupid. Nor do they need constant attention, nor make alot of noise. And they’re generally cheap and easy to look after.
You don’t look happy snowcat.
To be fair, hand on heart, you couldn’t say all of those things about a culchie.
As Basil Fawlty said "happy?.. ah yes I remember that "
Shockin’ terrible way to be talking about Mrs ForSalad
Definitely not cheap…
A man walks in to a bar with a box under his arm and says to the barman…
… “If I can show something you have never seen before will you give me a free drink?”
Now the barman has seen mostly everything in his time and says, “Sure, impress me and hell, I’ll give you a free tab for the eve!”
So the man puts down the box and opens it and then he pulls a small piano out of it and places it on the bar and then a little man as well.
The little man walks up to the piano and starts playing!
The barman was blown away by this and agrees to the drinks and then asks, “Where did you find him?”
“Well,” says the man, “I found this magic lamp.”
The man digs into the box and pulls out this old brass oil lamp. “I rubbed it and a genie appeared and granted me one wish and then he said I must pass the lamp on to the next person that did me a kindness.”
“Wow,” says the barman.
The man then says, “As you gave me a drink I’m going to let you have the lamp. Be careful what you wish for though.”
So the barman rubs the lamp and then makes his wish.
Next thing the bar has ducks everywhere!!! Crapping on the bar and the floor and all over the customers! The barman shouts at the man saying, “I wished for a million Bucks! not a million ducks!”
To this the man replies, “And you think that I wished for a 12 inch Pianist?!”
Looking forward to some Mohamed jokes when Ramadan comes around - it starts on May 5.
Did you see the Spurs clip.
Don’t know if people here like the Two Johnnies, I thought it was a good anyway.
Big fan of their podcast. Can be very funny. The vids/songs can be a bit hit & miss.
They seem to be such nice lads but I think they need better jokes.