The jokes thread.... Don't be afraid to muck it up!

#641

Cats are cùnts. The culchies of the animal world.

4 Likes
#642

Guy at a job interview…

Interviewer: So what’s your strongest asset?

Guy: I have a strong belief in my own opinion

Interviewer: Well, I think that’s a great asset

Guy: I couldn’t really give a bollix what you think…

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#643

But they don’t try to tear dogs to pieces. Nor do they stink. And nor are they utterly stupid. Nor do they need constant attention, nor make alot of noise. And they’re generally cheap and easy to look after.

1 Like
#644

You don’t look happy snowcat.

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#645

To be fair, hand on heart, you couldn’t say all of those things about a culchie.

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#646

As Basil Fawlty said "happy?.. ah yes I remember that "

#647

Shockin’ terrible way to be talking about Mrs ForSalad

#648

Definitely not cheap…

#649

459178

8 Likes
#650

1 Like
#651

A man walks in to a bar with a box under his arm and says to the barman…

… “If I can show something you have never seen before will you give me a free drink?”
Now the barman has seen mostly everything in his time and says, “Sure, impress me and hell, I’ll give you a free tab for the eve!”
So the man puts down the box and opens it and then he pulls a small piano out of it and places it on the bar and then a little man as well.
The little man walks up to the piano and starts playing!
The barman was blown away by this and agrees to the drinks and then asks, “Where did you find him?”
“Well,” says the man, “I found this magic lamp.”
The man digs into the box and pulls out this old brass oil lamp. “I rubbed it and a genie appeared and granted me one wish and then he said I must pass the lamp on to the next person that did me a kindness.”
“Wow,” says the barman.
The man then says, “As you gave me a drink I’m going to let you have the lamp. Be careful what you wish for though.”
So the barman rubs the lamp and then makes his wish.
Next thing the bar has ducks everywhere!!! Crapping on the bar and the floor and all over the customers! The barman shouts at the man saying, “I wished for a million Bucks! not a million ducks!”
To this the man replies, “And you think that I wished for a 12 inch Pianist?!”

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#652

4 Likes
#653

1 Like
#654

#655

Looking forward to some Mohamed jokes when Ramadan comes around - it starts on May 5.

2 Likes
#656

Did you see the Spurs clip.

#657

Don’t know if people here like the Two Johnnies, I thought it was a good anyway.
#658

Big fan of their podcast. Can be very funny. The vids/songs can be a bit hit & miss.

#659

They seem to be such nice lads but I think they need better jokes.

#660

1 Like