The jokes thread.... Don't be afraid to muck it up!


My wife asked me to get something for the pancakes. She was fucking fuming when I got home with a wonder bra!!!



Gotta love Viz…


How many ears has Captain Kirk ?

The left ear, the right ear, and the final frontier …


Fixed that


I’ve got a Blur alarm clock, so I always wake up listening to Park Life, except on Wednesdays when I get rudely awakened by the dustmen




Went to see Beauty and the Beast - the daughter’s school play. Some great performances but Lumiere got on my wick.


Now you’re getting on my wick! Waxing lyrical like you are…


You should have thought about that one before you scented


Dad : 'Go to your room now’
Son : (storms off) ‘Jim Morrison was overrated’ !
Dad : ‘What did I tell you about slamming the Doors’?


Have you heard of the new movie called “Constipation”? No? That’s because It hasn’t come out yet.


Crap joke.


It’s getting harder to push them out. Jokes.


As Shakespeare said " If wit were shit, we’d all be constipated’’.


I saw a blonde person looking in a mirror once. I’d say it was a fair reflection.


The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper. She was wearing these big gloves.


I had a cross eyed teacher once. They sacked her because she couldn’t control her pupils.


Or the bow legged farmer - couldn’t keep his calves together!


I saw this lovely blonde in a bar, I walked up and blew gently into her ear… She said “Thanks for the refill”.