The jokes thread.... Don't be afraid to muck it up!


#41

My wife asked me to get something for the pancakes. She was fucking fuming when I got home with a wonder bra!!!


#42


#43

Gotta love Viz…


#44

How many ears has Captain Kirk ?

The left ear, the right ear, and the final frontier …


#45

Fixed that


#46

I’ve got a Blur alarm clock, so I always wake up listening to Park Life, except on Wednesdays when I get rudely awakened by the dustmen


#47

:joy::joy::joy:


#48

Went to see Beauty and the Beast - the daughter’s school play. Some great performances but Lumiere got on my wick.


#49

Now you’re getting on my wick! Waxing lyrical like you are…


#50

You should have thought about that one before you scented


#51

Dad : 'Go to your room now’
Son : (storms off) ‘Jim Morrison was overrated’ !
Dad : ‘What did I tell you about slamming the Doors’?


#52

Have you heard of the new movie called “Constipation”? No? That’s because It hasn’t come out yet.


#53

Crap joke.


#54

It’s getting harder to push them out. Jokes.


#55

As Shakespeare said " If wit were shit, we’d all be constipated’’.


#56

I saw a blonde person looking in a mirror once. I’d say it was a fair reflection.


#57

The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper. She was wearing these big gloves.


#58

I had a cross eyed teacher once. They sacked her because she couldn’t control her pupils.


#59

Or the bow legged farmer - couldn’t keep his calves together!


#60

I saw this lovely blonde in a bar, I walked up and blew gently into her ear… She said “Thanks for the refill”.