The jokes thread.... Don't be afraid to muck it up!


#501

I lost my job with Lastminute.com for being late every day.


#502

I hate those Russian dolls…Full of themselves.

Never give up your seat for a woman, that’s how I lost my job as a bus driver!

When I was young my mother used to spoon feed me saying “There is a train coming, there is a train coming” and I always opened my mouth and swallowed the food, otherwise she would have kept me tied to the railway sleeper.


#503

Ba-dum-boosh-kaaaa!


#504

cough


#505

Bad news for dyslexics…

Your cocks go black on the 28th October.


#506

#507

Anyone here afraid of snakes?


#508

I used to be but dealing with middle management on a daily basis has familiarised me with them.


#509

A child asked his father, “How were people born?” So his father said, “Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies, and so on.” The child then went to his mother, asked her the same question and she told him, “We were monkeys then we evolved to become like we are now.” The child ran back to his father and said, “You lied to me!” His father replied, “No, your mom was talking about her side of the family.”


#510


#511

images


#512

image


#513

Ha!


#514

A blonde came up to me in a bar (again!) and said, ‘bet I can guess your age within a year.’ Sorry, I sez, I can’t hang around that long.


#515

So jealous…
I’d love to meet Rod Stewart.


#516

Amazing - How did you know he was with her???


#517

Because he’s Rod Stewart.


#518

Which one?


#519

The singer fella.


#520

Two blondes walking along looking down at the ground and one says “I think they are bear tracks”,the 2nd blonde says"No,they are wolf tracks". Just then they were hit by the train!