The jokes thread.... Don't be afraid to muck it up!


#461

I got a repetitive strain on my thumb scrolling through that post!


#462

Sorry - could you repeat that?


#463

Ha - reading that post on my iPhone so it took it ages to scroll through it as I was reading it!


#464

It’s the way ye tell’em…


#465

#466

I don’t get it.


#467

You need to broaden your horizons then and stay away from plenty’o’fish!


#468

“My name is Luka. I live on the… um… one of those floors up there somewhere. I forget which one” - Suzanne Vaguer.


#469


This fellow might be in for a long wait.


#470


#471

A green stalk of vegetable just told me two horses that might win the Grand National. I reckon they were asparagus tips.


#472

My Chinese neighbour said he’s just opened a crows shop. Speaking slowly, I said “you mean a clothes shop?” He says, “No, a crows shop - come in and have a rook.”


#473

Metropolitans


#474

A drunk walks into a bar…
orders a drink and says to the bartender, “lawyers are all assholes!” The guy at the end of the bar says “you better take that back!”
The drunk man asks, “why, are you a lawyer?”
The man says “NO, I’m an asshole!”


#475

Saw this book advertised in a shop…

And I thought to myself - not the book to take on a camping holiday.


#476

Is it just me, or is it weird the way the author and title rhyme?
It’s like Cockney rhyming slang…

“That geezer had right Tony Kent when he burst into the Queen Vic…”


#477

Got one of those anti bullying wristbands today. Nicked it off this little fat ginger cnut with glasses.