The jokes thread.... Don't be afraid to muck it up!


I got a repetitive strain on my thumb scrolling through that post!


Sorry - could you repeat that?


Ha - reading that post on my iPhone so it took it ages to scroll through it as I was reading it!


It’s the way ye tell’em…



I don’t get it.


You need to broaden your horizons then and stay away from plenty’o’fish!


“My name is Luka. I live on the… um… one of those floors up there somewhere. I forget which one” - Suzanne Vaguer.


This fellow might be in for a long wait.



A green stalk of vegetable just told me two horses that might win the Grand National. I reckon they were asparagus tips.


My Chinese neighbour said he’s just opened a crows shop. Speaking slowly, I said “you mean a clothes shop?” He says, “No, a crows shop - come in and have a rook.”




A drunk walks into a bar…
orders a drink and says to the bartender, “lawyers are all assholes!” The guy at the end of the bar says “you better take that back!”
The drunk man asks, “why, are you a lawyer?”
The man says “NO, I’m an asshole!”


Saw this book advertised in a shop…

And I thought to myself - not the book to take on a camping holiday.


Is it just me, or is it weird the way the author and title rhyme?
It’s like Cockney rhyming slang…

“That geezer had right Tony Kent when he burst into the Queen Vic…”


Got one of those anti bullying wristbands today. Nicked it off this little fat ginger cnut with glasses.