Engagement and Marriage.
After three wonderful years together Molly and Sam wish to announce their engagement to be married. The ceremony will take place on 2nd September this year in Páirc An Chrócaigh with the celebrant being His Most Reverend Eminence Éamon Martin, Archbishop of Armagh. He may have assistance from Pope Francis should His Holiness decide to stay on after his visit the previous week, in an unofficial capacity.

The couple have known each other since childhood, growing up many years as best friends together. It was felt at the time that they almost couldn’t be parted. However time moves on and stories grow apart. Sam eventually after many journeys and dalliances ended up spending most of his time captivated by a cute but very covetous lady in a kingdom. It seemed like his destiny to live out most of the rest of his days there but many confidantes noticed that the lady became only more and more possessive and demanding of Sam, and somehow really quite entitled to his devotion.

One day in early August 2010 this long union ended when Sam disappeared to spend a night with an old flame in the Mtns of Mourne. This made the lady in the kingdom so shocked she went into a spiral of extreme anger and self pity.

Subsequently the betrothal of Sam and Molly seemed the least likely notion, having had an extremely uncertain and inauspicious origin, with both parties declaring as recently as 2009 a complete indifference to each other, in fact one could go as far as to say they couldn’t have been further apart as individuals.

They say opposites attract however and a former acquaintance from Cork offered to set up a date the following year, as some people had surprisingly seen a spark of sorts emerge between them over a summer pilgrimage around the country. This was however unqualified, and ended up with the Rebel lady, adorned in a striking scarlet dress, making off with the much coveted gentleman at the end of the summer herself.

This partnership, always unlikely even at the best of times, proved to be very short-lived. It had been tenuous to say the least, and Sam was observed by many to have been deeply unhappy for the whole of the following year by the Lee, and was later to reveal that the lady in red was something of a violent rebel, often threatening poor Sam with an odd-shaped stick which she kept telling him should actually be a “real comeon to you”.

And so in 2011 Sam was assumed by many to be headed inevitably back to what he knew best, with tail between legs. Just as he was headed for the express coach back southwest on what would ultimately prove to be a fateful late September evening he was whisked away in the most incredible, and friends have since said, magical way by the metropolitan lady that many in society and social circles had dismissed at that stage as a mere street stall merchant, and city centre crowd pleaser, who liked a drink and a bawdy singsong, and plenty of cockles and muscles, in early and mid-summer when tourists throng the streets, and other distractions are on hold.

This turned into a truly wonderful, and glorious year for the couple who were seen at many, many of the nation’s best social events and appeared to be completely besotted. However closest friends had commented that it was perhaps more of a one-sided devotion and Sam’s streetwise history would never last with Molly newfound wide-eyed love. So it was to prove the following year when some capricious women from the west and northwest conspired and fought to get Sam away. He ended up again wandering unlikely roads, and rolling around in a constant state of intoxication and abused turmoil in the hills of Donegal.

But clearly something from the past had been reignited between S & M, and the following year, with M having made more of an effort with her appearance and attention, and many remarked looking more youthful and exciting than ever before, they got back together despite the nation’s society chattering classes loudly and widely pronouncing that a union with the west was inevitable. Sam landed back in the capital and it was noted that many around the country were less captivated than they were two years previously, least of all their darling but terribly possessive flame-haired Queen of the kingdom, who had tried everything that year also to command Sam to “come home as is expected, and only right and proper, so that all will be in order with the world again.” She had even performed what the masses referred to as “the greatest half of a courtship dance ever seen” to try and ensnare him back.

The year 2014 was to ultimately prove very fateful in Sam and Molly’s relationship but not in a way anyone can have imagined. Everything had seemed to be going like a soft focused hazy dream until a fateful sunny late August day when the crazy Donegal lady with the huge eyebrows returned to town, and hoodwinked Sam into leaving Molly in the most underhand manner. The worst of it was, the same woman didn’t even really want to be with Sam again and just allowed the queen of the kingdom come smuggle him away again in an awfully crude manner, bundling him onto a bus full of tatooed oafs who merely took him for granted.

He deeply regretted this whole sorry affair and the experienced seems to have made him decide finally to do the right thing by Molly and make it official and permanent.

A gift list will not be issued, rather guests are requested to bring or preferably send only sufficient funds for Molly’s needs for the rest of their lives together.
The reception will be held at all venues around the city, there shall be multiple courses, and a variety of wines, beers and spirits for everyone’s pleasure. Doping is allowed but only within the confines of the county.

RSVP asap to: Mr J. Costello, CDCB, Parnell Park, Parish of Doneycarney and Marino. Officer. J. Gavin will give the bride away though she has asked for her late grandfather Mr K. Heffernan to be in an honourable role for the same ceremony.

All welcome.