Missed the diary. Totally brilliant…
Great stuff as usual DUB09, Happy Christmas.
Miles ahead of ye!
‘Aido’s Diaries - the complete nonsense’ now collated in a beautiful leather bound volume signed by the main man himself - and Aido.
Available for €12.99 - next day delivery in Dublin only. Limited availability.
You are underselling at that price.
(€19.99 & you can install that new alarm.)
Cheque is in the post.
Brilliant stuff … happy Xmas all
Aido has been ruminating on the new season … tune in here later this morning.
Not in public I hope!
A new dawn …
Jesus I am really looking forward to this new season more than ever before. The new manager is great. His attention to detail is amazing. He was taking a sip from his coffee yesterday and immediately copped that there was only two sugars in it instead of three. Very impressive. He sacked the tea lady immediately – or coffee lady I should say – which showed everyone that there will be no messing this year. All the catering staff have had their warning.
He seems so familiar too. Like I met him before somewhere but it just won’t come to me. The lads were cracking on that we were getting the old bosses back. The two lads that wouldn’t let us pick the team? Ha! No chance!
It was great craic ringing around the lads to tell them they were still on the panel. We had some gas in the house when we put them on the speaker phone. Shamie would say ‘Hey Boyler, how are things?’, ‘Grand, Shamie, raring to go’. ‘Well Boyler, you see me and the brother and the altar boys were talking there and to be honest now, you’re getting quare old, so this year we’re going with the younger lads.’ ‘Ah, fuckit, Shamie – you’re not serious. I’ve pissed blood for Mayo, Please. One more go.’ Well we fell around the place. ‘Beg’ says Conor. ‘Pleeeeeeeease, pretty please. Pretty, pretty please’ cries Boyler. He heard us laughing then and Jesus the language that came down the phone. ‘Ye hooors, ye f**kin’ hoors ye’. Mammy walked in the room then and was not impressed. ‘Boyle ’ she says – ‘young Colm Boyle – is that you filling my house full of the Lord’s worst words? The perpetual light under the sacred heart picture here is after blowing.’ Well he was mortified. ‘Sorry, Mrs O’ he says, ‘I’ll be around with a bulb in the morning’ – and fair play, he was.
Chris and Andy want to go again too. Daddy says it’s getting like Dad’s Army. ‘These lads weren’t good enough in their prime’ he said. ‘Ye might as well get Mortimer, McHale and McDonald back. I didn’t see McEnroe winning many Wimbledons in his 50s but at least he won them in his 20s.’ Mammy told him that the only thing Daddy won in his 20s was her. She is great.
Actually Andy invited us to use his gym and offered to do a weights programme. He is giving us a 20% discount rising to 30% for anyone who passes to him. Leeroy said he’d pass on the weights as he has been carrying dead weights for years. Fair play – I never knew he did that. No wonder he’s so strong.
Cillian is still recovering from injury. His surgery went well because it can be a sore operation but hopefully the elbow sharpening will pay dividends later in the year.
We had our awards night over the New Year and it felt a bit strange to be honest. Normally we get all the All Stars but this year we got none. Not even our goalkeeper! I suppose that’s because we were out of the hunt for Sam in June and even broke a very long Mayo tradition by not getting to lose in Croke Park in 2018. The fans won’t forgive us too easily for that. Instead we played in some club grounds in Kildare or somewhere. I thought it was a friendly because it seemed to be a Tesco car park. Anyways apparently it was a Championship game and next thing there we were – gone.
But the Awards themselves were great. Keith got best newcomer even though he is in the team 12 years. Kev Mc got best excuse for missing training with his ‘sprained thumb playing Fortnite’ and myself, Shamie, Diarmuid and Cillian shared the Player of the Year and Young Player of the Year again. The ladies awards ended up a bit of a fiasco when 15 of the panel walked out on health and safety grounds. The last remaining two lads from the 1951 team were invited on the night to receive their Novichok Awards but didn’t bother turning up for some reason.
I have to say I was raging to see Denis Bastick appearing on Dancing With the Stars – he’s not even a star. Sure what has he ever won? I asked Des Cahill to put a word in for me but there’s the Dublin mafia for you again and their D4 bias. The same people that made a show out of our own hard working Pee Flynn.
I wouldn’t mind but Conor also wrote to Ireland’s Fittest Family five times to see if we could get on the celebrity version. You’d think they would be honoured to have Mayo’s royal family but no we were snubbed again. Daddy said we’d have got on no bother if it was Ireland’s Fattest Family – well if you saw the look mammy gave him.
Training is going well anyway and we have the Sheepstealers, as Daddy calls them, in our first League game this week. I want to take the League seriously but I find it hard to get motivated when we still haven’t had the Super Bowl. Speaking of sheep and the Super Bowl, it is great to see the Rams in the Final. The only team that could be better supported in Mayo would be the Los Angeles Ewes but there’s no such team.
But at least we have Donie back in midfield at the weekend. Shamie asked him a month ago ‘what can you bring to the party this year?’ Donie replied ‘A pair of Clarke’s and a pair of Reebok trainers for each member of the squad.’ Now that’s dedication - and it’s why lads like Donie remain an integral part of the squad.
The new manager wants us to lay down in the League. What’s new?! Actually no – now that I think of it he said he wants us to lay down a marker in the league. But with an average age of 46 in the panel and the fact that the league clashes with the St Paddy’s Day and Easter drinking sessions I’m not sure about this. There is an old saying ‘win the League in haste and repent in the Championship at leisure.’ And as I pointed out to the lads, Kerry won the League in 2017 but didn’t win Sam. Then Evan started saying that Dublin did both in 2013, 2105, 2016 and 2018 - which was actually totally irrelevant to what I was saying. That’s why we don’t like new lads – they’re too bloody cheeky.
I’m named in my favourite position – centre half forward, where I can be the playmaker and pull the strings. I remind myself of Modric, though I’m obviously better looking. The boss pulled me aside after training the last night and asked me to set myself a target of two scores. I nearly died. ‘Two scores in the one game?’ I asked him. ‘No,no, Aido’ he says, ‘two scores for the year.’ I think I can do that. Especially if we play Sligo or Leitrim or a few Division 4 teams in the back door.
Anyway I’m raring to go. Just the other night I said to Daddy that I feel like a coiled spring and he said that’s funny because you look like one too. As Mammy says ‘go out there and do your best and if it’s not good enough it’s because the rest of the team are useless.’ She’s great.
Superb as always!
Brilliant, really enjoyed that, back to your best.
Super stuff as usual
Welcome back Aido with the diary
Looks like Aido will be obsessed with denying the drive for five. Any ideas what he might come up with …?